Rowdy

 “I was living in Houston after dropping out of grad-school and I was very depressed. My life was not going in the direction I wanted. I was not going to make it to NY, a place I felt like I could be myself for the first time. I had asked for help from my family, but they just couldn’t provide what I was asking for. Finally, I arrived at the conclusion that I needed to toughen myself up and explore my dark side. I secretly began a very private spiral of destruction with alcohol, drugs, and sex. When I would get off work, instead of going to a bar, I would pick up a small bag of cocaine, a six-pack and a pack of cigarettes. I guess I was trying to satiate something as I repeated this ritual every night. I would get online and see if there were any guys close by to keep me company. One morning, I awoke to a stranger in my bed. My head ached. He slid off the bed and started to get dressed. I got up and asked him to show me his arms. No track marks. Something didn’t feel right though. I oddly walked him to the door to see him out.

I tested positive in 2013 and moved to NY! I was presented with a life or death decision: Do I live or do I continue to slowly kill myself and let this disease take me? Ultimately I arrived at the decision to live in spite of the disease. I had told myself a long time ago that I would contribute to the war on HIV/AIDS regardless of my status. It took a car accident to get me here, but now I’m a client at GMHC and I work as an intern for AIDS Walk NY. I am seeing a counselor, a psychiatrist, a doctor, and a nutritionist. My coke addiction was short-lived but I still see a group for that. I currently take Odefsey.

I was terrified of having sex with anyone who wasn’t positive and causing their seroconversion, but also of being rejected by my family and even other gay men. Some gay men still reject me and I haven’t told my family, but I can put it out of my head and meet other guys who understand or are going through something similar. I’m starting to re-emerge and be part of things again. I try to be honest about what I’ve been through. Maybe others can learn from it.”

Rowdy, 32, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Office Support Intern

Eric

 "When I contracted HIV I was 3 years sober from alcohol and drugs. Due to my addictive nature, I was using sex as a way to fix feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. It seemingly helped and the riskier it was, the better I felt. I was in a codependent relationship at the time with an active meth user who I was unaware was poz. Looking back, I should have known he was, but I never asked. Screening my sex partners wasn't very important to me because the narrative that the gay cis white male culture taught me was being black and gay means you're not sexually equal to them. Eventually it caught up to me and in 2012 I tested positive for HIV. I'm honestly not sure whom I got it from. It could have been the guy I was seeing or someone I had condomless sex with. I don't believe the 'who' or 'when' really matters. It just happened.

Growing up as a preacher’s kid, when my dad suspected me of being gay, he told me that I was going to die of AIDS and go to hell, so I wanted to start medication immediately. I didn't want him to be right. In the beginning I was prescribed 3 pills. Currently I just take 1. It took a few years to become comfortable with my diagnosis. I went through a long period of depression, guilt, self-hate and anxiety. I had to do a great deal of emotional work to feel better.

I believe my dating life has been forever changed due to my diagnosis. Attempting to navigate sex and dating with HIV has been challenging. When I was first diagnosed, I thought I was going to be alone forever. Thankfully I don't feel that way anymore, though I can still regress to those thoughts at times. Disclosing has become easier and if I'm rejected because I'm poz, I don't give it much thought unless I decide to educate the person. It has added to my list of insecurities however. Not only am I gay, I'm also black, a recovering alcoholic with mental health issues, a former cutter, who now is HIV+. It's important for me to have support from friends and keep myself surrounded by people who love me and who remind me that I have worth.

When more and more people began to learn about PrEP and take it, it took some of the pressure off of disclosing my status. I believe it finally brought up a reason for those who were HIV- to educate themselves. Prior to PrEP, most HIV- people weren't concerned about HIV, but PrEP was something that concerned them, so it peaked their interest. Things are still far from perfect in terms of destigmatizing HIV, and PrEP has had a stigma of its own, but I believe it's slowly going in the right direction."

Eric, 32, undetectable. Harlem, NY. HIV Tester and Counselor helping gay/bi male youth

Jason

 "I was visiting Fort Lauderdale, Florida staying at a clothing optional guest house and I had unprotected sex as a bottom with a sexy German daddy and he said he didn’t cum in me but I swore he did. A couple of weeks later I went for a doctor's check up and did blood work and turns out I was infected. I never got sick.

When I tested HIV+ I was 6 months into my sobriety. The fact that I am HIV+ has made me want to stay sober even more because I don’t want to die. I take one pill a day called Genvoya.

For me PrEP hasn't changed the situation much. Today as before some people don’t use protection and some do. I don’t think people are educated enough these days on what undetectable means."

Jason, 37, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Bartender

Myles

 “I found out I was HIV positive in November of 2011. I have no idea what the circumstances were surrounding my infection. What I do know is I was very insecure and had very low self esteem leading up to it. I'd met a guy and started to have strong feelings for him. It was then, I decided to go and get tested. It was very hard to tell him I was indeed positive, but his compassion towards me and my status was a shock to my system! We broke up, but I gained an unshakable confidence in myself. I love him to this day.

I had HUGE trepidations about starting medication. I was scared for a million reasons, the biggest being side effects. I had this idea that I would get worse before I got better. Back in 2011 I was given medication, (Complera) which I never started. In the interim, I sought therapy and kept in close contact with the doctors I met. I finally started treatment 6 years after being diagnosed. I started taking Triumeq in February of 2017. It's 1 a day pill and there are no side effects. I grew up! I found a power in myself and felt like a new dude. Also, I now know my status, so it makes the dating game slightly easier, psychologically.

My experience has been many guys say they are on PrEP and are not. Same with Poz guys that say they are std free. I remember the fear and the guilt I felt those 6 years that I hadn't a clue what my status was, it was hell, mentally. I still prefer not to use condoms, but not opposed to strapping up! I want to find a partner I can be sexually uninhibited with, while also being on top of our health. I am still a work in progress.”

Myles, 39, undectectable. Long Island City, Queens, NY. DJ and performance artist

Jeremy

 "I hooked up with a guy who said they were undetectable and on med, four months later I found out that wasn't true. When I confronted him about it, he admitted to lying to me about his status.

Because of the infection I learned to be me. I wasn't going to be defined by my status, I gained confidence in my career field and strived to surpass the expectations of others and myself. I will not allow HIV to get in the way of my dreams and passions in life. I am currently on Genvoya. I try to live a balanced life and remember to take time out for myself and those I care about."

Jeremy, 28, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Instructor, Pastry Chef, and Chocolate Maker

BJ

 "I was in my mid-20's, 10 feet tall and bullet-proof as they say. I knew that I was taking risks with having unprotected sex, but I thought that I was making as good of decisions as possible by asking lots of questions and choosing 'classy' people. I avoided sex clubs, and anonymous scenes. But, of course, the virus doesn't really care about those things. I'd started seeing a guy consistently and realized that I wanted more than just random sex. As it turns out, he was 'unaware' that he was positive and claimed false-negative tests. I went in for a regularly quarterly test appointment, and got the news that I was in conversion. As I sat there, the nurses each came in and gave a hug, and the doctor talked me through the next steps that we'd be tackling.

It was a pretty major shift from a dating perspective. People were still terrified of the virus back then and education wasn't very widespread. Today, in 2018, it's almost to a place where it's barely even a pause in the conversation. The common acceptance that U=U has taken so much of the anxiety out of dating. I'm always clear with partners and on dating profiles. I've been with Gilead products from the beginning. Atripla, then Complera, and currently Odefsey.

When PrEP started coming out, it really opened up the dating pool more broadly since there was much less fear of being with me as a positive guy."

BJ, 37, undetectable. Manhattan, New York. Working in marketing

Ken

 "Either I gave it to him or he gave it to me. When we first met (many years ago), both of us claimed to be negative. Four months after we met, I got tested and the results were negative. One month later we stopped using condoms. Then, about 18 months after that, a test came back positive, first for me and later for him.

Every two months I see my doctor, blood is drawn and new viral load and T-cell numbers follow. Currently, I am on Odefsey. Previously, I was taking Complera. Before that, Atripla.

I have had zero success using condoms. In the mid-1990s, condom use rightfully became part of the accepted formula in the effort to lessen, treat and prevent HIV infection. My personal response to the evolving situation was to give up having anal sex completely. I couldn't make condoms work and I didn't want to commit murder by ejaculation. HIV impacted my sex life in a very negative way.

PrEP, PEP and the notion of undetectable have lessened the anxiety that I feel regarding sexual activity. While hook-ups are rare, I am enjoying sex once again."

Ken, 72, undetectable. Hell's Kitchen, NY. Music and piano teacher

Joshué

 “As most of us, I was being "reactive rather than proactive"; let me explain: I am married to Vincent for 3yrs but have been together for 11. We are in an open relationship. During a work trip, after many drinks, I went back to my hotel room and had someone over. He arrived and we engaged in sex. After the fun was over, I realized I had not used a condom and started to panic. He became nervous and left. I checked the app and realized he was HIV positive. We did not discuss the subject beforehand. After a whole week of agonizing fear and a deep, painful shame I returned to NYC and told my husband. Saving you the drama, I am going to jump to my visit to my doctor, where I was received by a very caring group of people who gave me all the support and information I needed. It was there I realized how much of an ignorant I was regarding STIs, HIV and sex health. My doctor ordered the tests, treated me for STIs, and told me about PrEp. We had a long conversation but, even though he sounded optimistic, I did not seem to get rid of the guilt and shame. My doctor finally said "stop shaming yourself for being human". Then, I finally “woke up”. I went home to discuss it with my husband and immediately we started to educate ourselves on HIV, STIs and PrEp. It was no brainier; we should go on it. And we did.

Truvada has been an amazing "gateway" to information, regular blood screening and getting rid of the stigmas around sex. Not only have we become more aware of the STIs and how to treat them but also it has made us realize that we were part of the stigma. We were rejecting people based mostly on ignorance, shame and fear. Not anymore. Truvada has made us more sexually inclusive to anyone who enjoys sex and does not want to be wrapped in worry of all the "what ifs”. It has lifted a very heavy weight off my shoulders and I have gotten to meet quite a few remarkable, smart, full of color and life individuals. I have been able to "love” them a little, and to be loved back. I get the prescription via my regular doctor. I must get blood work every 3 months. My insurance pays for most and I pay the rest.”

Joshué, 40, on PrEP. Brooklyn, NY. Furniture Retail Manager

Simon

 "I started taking PrEP 2 years ago. I found out about it from the Manhattan LGBT Center. Being trans is kind of an obstacle because trans men are at high risk for HIV, but there are barely any studies on us. It takes Truvada a longer time (30 days) to protect vaginas and, even then, I have to be extra-careful because missing a day is more risky for me.

I get a prescription from my doctor. Combining my insurance with a discount I don't pay anything for it.

Being on PrEP has altered my sexual behavior, now I feel more comfortable to have raw sex. When I started taking Truvada I already had an undetectable partner and it helped me feel even more secure.

My name is Simon. I’m a 25-year-old transmasculine person, originally from upstate New York, but currently living in Bushwick. I'm a PhD student for French medieval literature and I also teach French to undergrads at Baruch College."

Maria

“I was diagnosed in 1994. Back then I was in and out of jail and drug treatment programs because of crack/cocaine. After a while I realized how I contracted the virus: rape. It took me some time to accept it and educate myself and my family. They never turned their backs on me. My children are in this fight with me and have themselves become advocates. I've been on a deathbed; however, God has seen differently because here I am 24yrs later. Now campaigning for U=U and living my life to the fullest. I'm a full time employee, college student, caregiver for my dad, raising my grandsons and a single parent to two beautiful daughters. I am an advocate for those who don't have a voice. I post photos of me freely to show my face and let others know they're not alone in this fight. I hold my heart up and proud living with AIDS, not caring what others have to say. I love and die by my quote: "I know my status, what about you?"

My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis. At first I had to go through so many trials and tribulations. My dad treating me differently, he’d pull out plastic plates for me and use ammonia every time I used the bathroom. It wasn't until he saw me almost dying that he accepted me being HIV+. Now he drinks from my cup, hugs and kisses me. He continues to love me unconditionally. My children don’t see me any differently; in fact they get on my case if I ever slip and forget to take my medications. Living with AIDS is not a death sentence anymore. I give back what was given to me: unconditional love and the ability to teach the next generation. So I tip my hat off to AIDS because it hasn't and will not win. Not on my time.
My illness is very manageable for the most part; I take one pill a day, Stribild, and attend mental health therapy.

I'm glad that PrEP is around because it’s given me the opportunity to educate my partner. He’s asked me plenty of questions and has made a decision to seek more information on his own so that he can get on it. PrEP has been keeping others negative and safe.

My name is Maria; I’m a 50yrs old Latina working as a case manager and living in the Bronx, NY”

Brett

“PrEP became widely available just after I moved to NYC in late 2014. I didn't know anything about it or how to get it. I started taking PrEP this past Fall.
I get it from Housing Works. I had a consultation with Hetrick-Martin Institute and they directed me to queer friendly clinics that could get me on PrEP and Housing Works in Downtown Brooklyn was the one I chose. My insurance covers most of the cost and the Gilead Co-Pay Discount Program covers the rest.

When Truvada first became widely available, I was really heavy into drugs and alcohol, working in nightlife and not engaging in my own healthcare. I wasn't taking care of myself at all and engaging in a lot of high risk sexual behaviors, without regard to potential consequences. When I got sober in the Fall of 2015, it was because of liver complications related to Hepatitis B. Before that, I had been diagnosed and treated for multiple STI's within the span of a few months.
For 2 years, after my body cleared the Hep B from my system and I tested negative for all STI's, I lived with significant shame for allowing myself to get so out of control. My partner at the time was very understanding, but we didn't have sex for 2 years and when we decided to open our relationship and, ultimately, end things, that's when I took the action to engage in my healthcare and ensure I was protecting myself. I think being educated about STI's, in general, is the key to living a life of sexual freedom.

The reality is that I prefer to have unprotected sex, both for the physical pleasure and the emotional intimacy of it. And if that's my preference, I have to accept the responsibility of going to see my doctor once a month and getting tested for STI's and communicating with those around me. I think STI stigma is a major problem and is becoming more and more dangerous.

I came of age around people who were activists for HIV/AIDS and were very open and willing to educate me around what it means to live with HIV. I don't think I've ever been "afraid" of HIV. I think what I've always truly feared is the dishonesty that stigma creates, both in those who are HIV+ and those who are not. I think we're afraid of each other and that is the biggest problem, in my opinion.

Now that I'm on PrEP and taking care of my body and my mind and releasing a lot of the sexual shame I've been carrying for years, I feel like I'm a better partner to those I have sex with now. And after breaking through my own stigma, I honestly prefer to have sex with men who are Undetectable. I feel there's a sense of understanding that I don't have when I have sex with men who are, what I like to call, "Hyper Negative". (In other words, men who are ultimately very uneducated about sexual health and are so determined to never contract an STI that they are terrified of sex altogether.)
I'd rather know what the dangers are in the world, firsthand. What better way to know how to fight them, right?"

Brett, 27, on PrEP. Brooklyn, NY. Sober-Slut-Witch

Terrance

"The reason I’m on PrEP is because a partner told me several times they had a condom on and did not. After our sexual experience, I realized what had happened and felt bad about myself. I felt responsible for his behavior, betrayed, embarrassed and violated. 
I went on emergency PEP and transitioned into taking PrEP. In the process my doctor shared some sage advice, he told me to assume partners aren’t telling the truth or that they may not even know their current HIV status. 
This experience changed me in ways I can’t describe or even figure out at the moment. 
I have the right to tell someone how they can treat my body because it’s mine. 
I own it and at the end of the day I’m in charge of me.

I originally got PEP from the NYC Clinic and then PrEP from Callen-Lorde. Now I get it through private insurance. I do pay for it now, but didn't for PEP.

PrEP has completely liberated me sexually from unnecessary fear, my own internal unwanted stigma and guilt for not having protected sex. It has changed the way I view HIV positive and undetectable people by removing the fear of "what could happen". It’s a beautiful thing, really. I think PrEP will revolutionize the gay community again. I believe the sexual revolution of the 60's will happen again in modern society.

My name is Terrance and I am a 27 year old queer Brooklyn resident working in Residential Interior Design."

Mark and Michael

Mark: I am a gay man who moved to Los Angeles when I was 20 years old, in 1981. It was the end of the gay sexual revolution, although we didn't know it at the time, and the dawn of the age of AIDS. I have no idea who might have infected me, and that's just as well. It doesn't matter. There were no medications when I tested HIV positive. As they came along, I took them, always hopeful that I would survive until the next medication was approved. Now, finally, I live in a time when there are more medications to treat my HIV than I will ever need.
Any difficult life event, if you allow it, teaches us compassion and empathy for other people. Nothing can really make the tragedy of AIDS worthwhile, but I am grateful for being involved in decades of activism and the truly heroic people I have met along the way.

Michael: On Nov 26, 2005, I was the victim of a sexual assault. My HIV infection resulted from that action. Afterward, I lost trust in others and in my own ability to make good decisions. I am grateful to have had access to health care coverage and medications. Today, I live fearlessly, but with a new understanding of the good and the bad people are capable of. I found the most amazing man and we were married in 2015. I currently take Descovy and Isentress.

Mark: The most interesting thing to me about PrEP is the fact that is allows people who are HIV negative to take concrete action to protect themselves. For too long, the burden and sole responsibility for containing the spread of HIV has fallen on those of us living with the virus. We have been viewed as little more than vectors of disease and a problem that must be managed. Clearly, with 50,000 new infections each year in the US, this approach has not worked. PrEP changes that.

Michael: PrEP has not changed my relationship with sexuality, but I believe I would not be positive today if PrEP were available to me in 2005.

Mark, 57, undetectable. Long-term survivor living in Baltimore with his husband and two cats, Henry and Charlotte. Writer and LGBT activist.

Michael, 54, undetectable. Working for the federal government.

Shamôr

"I started taking PrEP because my best friend from Uni's husband is HIV+ and my bestie told me that he was taking Truvada. This was back in 2011 and I asked if people without HIV+ partners could take it. When I got back to the US from London in 2014, I asked the clinic for PrEP. So I guess I found out about it in 2011, but didn't start it until 2014. I take it as a precaution. I've had partners lie to me before and I wanted to take all measures to have the safest sex possible so that I could make it as enjoyable as possible.

My PCP prescribes me Truvada and I pick it up from Walgreens. My PCP is very sex-positive and she's queer so she had no problem giving me Truvada. My insurance covers most of the cost of the medicines and then the Gilead Access Program covers the rest of the cost of the medicine so in the end, my Truvada is completely free.

To be honest, when I was a lot younger, in my earlier 20s, I did some pretty risky things and that was before Truvada was available. I think if anything, taking Truvada daily is a reminder that I'm making less riskier sexual decisions these days. It's really had no change on my sex life. I wouldn't say that I've had more sex with HIV+ people, but I've barebacked with someone knowing they're positive and been super calm because I knew he was undetectable and I'm on PrEP. Sometimes I have safe sex with a condom, and sometimes I don't but I like knowing that condom or not, my sex is always safer with PrEP.

My name is Shamôr, I'm 28 years old. I work as a public civil servant for the federal government. I live in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. I'm black, queer, and Southern but without the accent."

Lancelot

“I decided to take PrEP so that I could have a safety net for when things happened. I truly believe in treatment as prevention.

Initially, I started PrEP with my local City-sponsored clinic and now utilize a health center in Manhattan to continue my access.

I wouldn’t say that my behaviors have changed much in terms of increased activity. I would say that the fear factor has been removed from my sexual experiences.”

Lancelot, 26, on PrEP. Brooklyn, New York. Designer

Kevin

“I was living in California 5 years ago when I was at a house party and was given Rohypnol in my drink. I was violently sexually assaulted and contracted the virus.

Nevertheless, I can say that today I am seriously the happiest I have ever been. I used to be 250 lbs but now I work out 6 days a week and am the healthiest I have ever been. I have the best relationship with my father as well. The virus helped to change the way that I think. I never take life too seriously and realize that I can either choose to be happy or I can choose to be sad. I always choose to be happy. There isn’t a single thing that I would change about my life. I have the best of friends, I know what I want out of life, and I have found my purpose because of the virus. I have learned to help myself first and that I am the most important person in the world. I'm undetectable and I take Tivicay and Descovy.

I have a love/hate relationship with PrEP. On one hand I am so grateful that I could choose to be in a committed relationship and after serious consideration from my partner they could, if they choose to, go on PrEP. On the other hand I feel that people are not fully versed on exactly the breakdown of how PrEP works as well as on the the initial reason it came to fruition. Hence they are using it irresponsibly.”

Kevin, 30, undetectable. Bronx, NY. Bartender

Omare

"I believe I contracted the virus in D.C. from a man I didn't know. We had a "quickie" that l quite enjoyed at the time. Little did I know that day would change my life forever. Soon after I began to get increasingly sick, experiencing flu-like symptoms lasting 2-3 weeks. I knew something had to be wrong with my body but I was unsure if it was seasonal sickness or a disease. I decided a month later to get tested at my local clinic in Northern Virginia. That day my life changed when I received my HIV diagnosis. I have now been HIV positive for 4 years and undetectable for over 3 years straight.

My life has changed in many ways but the most valuable thing I receive is the State and County benefits allocated for HIV positive individuals. I currently receive housing assistance which has prevented me from homelessness and eviction. I also receive great care from my Infectious Disease Specialist at least 4 times a year. My current regimen is a single Genvoya pill once daily, which has maintained my undetectable status.

PrEP is an awesome tool that HIV negative people can take to at least ease their fears of contracting the virus. But many people still look down at those who are Poz or on PrEP, feeling that it's a sign of promiscuity."

Omare, 26, undetectable. Poughkeepsie, NY. Fashion Designer and Data Specialist for Planned Parenthood

Sam

"I couldn't tell you the exact day or even the name of the guy that gave it to me; at the time it wasn't an experience I wanted to remember. It was a lonely night scrolling on Scruff when a hot younger guy hit me up to parTy... I wanted to. It had been years since I had smoked meth, I wanted that feeling, I wanted to get off and I knew that I could handle the low that would come after. He came over. It was a good time; we smoked, we talked, laughed and had sex for hours. With meth there is always this feeling unfulfilled and anything great at the time is then unremarkable shit after. This time was no exception. Had I not found out later I was positive because of this night, I wouldn't have remembered it at all. He didn't know he was HIV positive or we didn't talk about it. I was diagnosed, I knew I would be ok, I wasn’t angry and I can't regret what I did. What scares me is the thought of spreading the virus to someone I care about.

Seeing my doctor every 3 months as a result of being positive was a big change. Before I would get tested and stuff fairly regularly but seeing a doctor was the last thing I wanted to do. I feel like I have really taken control of my health, NY State has amazing resources available to those infected with HIV. Becoming HIV actually made moving to NY worry free. GMHC offered to help with housing, insurance and finding a job and care if I needed it. Having this support has really touched me. Just switched to Genvoya from a two-pill treatment. I have been positive for a year and a half and have been undetectable for almost a year now.

I am now finding that being on PrEP is more of the standard for guys. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I wasn't on PrEP, my life would be completely different. So now I don't owe it just to myself to be responsible with my treatment, I owe anyone I care about and am intimate with. There is this self-assurance that comes with not having an option. It is how it is."

Sam, 29, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Industrial designer for an electronics company

Derek

“It happened through a past sexual encounter. I'm super thankful to have such supportive family and friends, as they definitely helped keep me emotionally and mentally strong. But I also didn't allow myself to be sad for too long because what's done is done. There was nothing I could do about it aside from accepting the situation and continuing to live my life to the fullest. I'm not mad at anyone; we're all equally responsible. If anything, I'm more upset with myself. But it is what it is; I'm alive and healthy. That's all that matters right? I'm currently taking Tivicay and Descovy.

Not much has changed because of the infection, to be honest. My dating life has taken quite a blow, not that it was ever prosperous. But a majority of the guys that hit me up are bi and pansexual, who are relatively new to the queer world. They're coming from a heteronormative society where LGBTQ and sex education are either neglected or extremely out of date. So, many are unaware of HIV, PrEP, and how much medicine has advanced today. Therefore, a lot of them are scared of me, block me, and verbally disrespect me because of my status, despite my being undetectable, which hurts sometimes.

PrEP has absolutely brought a change! People are so much more educated about HIV and how it works today. As the years have gone by, the amount of people scared of me has decreased as well. The stigma isn't as intense now, but there is still so much more work to be done.”

Derek Du Jour, 26, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Newly lost soul and blogger trying to find their place again in this world

Eric

“I believe I contracted the virus in August of 1994 since I was in the National Guard at the time and was tested pretty vigorously for drugs and HIV for my security clearance. I had dated one person and when that ended, on the rebound, had sex with an older gentleman where the condom broke. Shortly afterwards, around December 1994, I started getting sick and couldn’t shake it. It wasn’t until January 1995 that an emergency room doctor looked at my white tongue and suggested an HIV test. The first results were inconclusive so I went to LSU Medical Center where on February 9, 1995 they gave me my official diagnosis that I had seroconverted. Seven days before my twenty-first birthday and my life was over before it had even begun. 

HIV gave me courage to take chances as far as living and doing things in life. Initially, I was shamed and fearful of sharing my status due to the stigma but eventually came to embrace it as a part of my life. I hate when people say it doesn't define you. Not literally, but in a way it helps to define your life. How it changes your mindset about time and your mortality I think was key part of my evolution. Going on 23 years with the virus, I find that my management gets more intensive as I age. We, after all, are the data for how the medicines and treatments are evaluated going forward. Currently I take Prezcobix, Viread, Ziagen.

Thanks to PrEP I'm not as fearful of being intimate with a negative person sexually any longer. I was so paranoid in my earlier years of having any type of sexual relations with a negative person that it really shut me down sexually.”

Eric, 43, undetectable. Washington, DC. Business analyst/grad student